Momma's Earth Science Kits
These handy elementary teaching kits contain class quantities of rock, sand, soil and water for hands-on manipulative activities. Shipping charges not included.
Vincent Momma Quarries
Handouts in a SackTM
Get random selections of school-reform papers written by non-tenured teacher education professors in every state. Material sold conveniently by the pound, so order as big a load as you need. Distribute by hand or mechanical spreader.
Own the definitive work on the semi-subversive proposal to remove all references to "society" from schools. Dealing with reality limits learners to the realm of the possible, and also takes too much time. Let students finish school and find out what's what when it matters.
Children will love the cute and cuddly pretend-animals that skip, hop and cavort through each realistic tale. Pre-readers will beg for more adventures of their "num-num pals" Honey-Bun, Yummy-Pie and Kissy-Poo.
New Retch Classics
Raise money for your district by selling greeting cards written in performance terms. Expected behaviors clearly identified for "happy birthday," "get well" and "sympathy." If you care enough to send a thought, it should be measurable!
Giant activity book shows how to turn real-world products into simple materials. Students will make birdfeeders into bleach bottles, and flower vases into coffee cans and baby-food jars. Imagine the excitement when students bring home usable ice-cream sticks, toothpicks and shoe boxes they made themselves!
Basic Backer & Company
Crate of the Month Club
Twelve times a year you will receive an advance-notice postcard on an item of school equipment. If you do not want the item, simply return the card with the notarized signatures of all senior administrators within 24 hours. Or do nothing, and the selection will be trucked and billed to your district. Remember that our higher prices permit us to offer our popular "Purchaser-Incentive Vacation Rewards."
Bryberry Brokers Inc.
Teach young people to correct unbearable pauses in speech by using "spoken commas." Replace embarrassing silences with active phrases such as "Y'know?" and "Right?" Try it: "I walked into class-y'know?- sat down-right? -opened my book bag-y'know?-got out a pen- right? -and ..." It WORKS!
By Gosh, N. and Golly, G. This is the exhaustive guide to little known facts in every curriculum area, including language arts (e.g., the derivation of "quick as a wink": the spotted wink is an Australian rodent that runs extraordinarily fast) and social studies (e.g., Storrs, Connecticut, is noted for not being in Massachusetts). Teach your staff to intimidate others intellectually.
I.R. Relevant Resources
Aztec Charter Magnet Schools
This educational movement sadly never got off the ground. As a result, back issues of the ACMS Update can be purchased at rock-bottom prices. Order the complete set and get the complimentary monograph Implications of Jungle Ruins for American Education.
Wrong Age Distributors
Greater Issues of Our Times
Discover the utility of newspapers in education through predated materials that come whole or in ripped-to-order strips. Applications include cleaning paint brushes, training puppies and making boat hats for parties.
Pulp Learning LLC
Charting New Courses
Send us your grade-level curriculum outline and we will prepare intricate scope and sequence charts guaranteed to bewilder. No school evaluation team would ever dare to question the complex boxes, lines, arrows and tables that define what you say you do educationally.
No longer burden families with art projects that last a lifetime. Instead, use creativity materials that start to disintegrate even before they leave the school. Composting ideas from soap to nuts are included in every order.
Runaway Inflation Conversion Tables
Update your proverbial math curriculum. Did you know, for instance, that thoughts are now valued at two pennies, a bird in the hand is worth four in the bush, and a stitch in time saves less than five? Have a twoderful time upgrading your content!
Ryson B. Counted School Products
Identify your most difficult students and three worst habits for each, and we will design Web pages that make antisocial behaviors known to all. The inhibiting guilt of online notoriety will minimize discipline problems magically.
Here are never-before-told scandalous secrets on education critics who bring misery to our professional lives. Identify the troublesome people knocking on your district doors, and we'll supply innuendos that stop the attacks fast.
Publisher of the beloved instructional classics Story of Coal-tar and Strip-Mining for You announces its new illustrated titles: Choosing Brick and The Wonder of Meat- Packing.
Odvard Egil Dyrli, firstname.lastname@example.org, is editor-in-chief of DISTRICT ADMINISTRATION and emeritus professor of education at the University of Connecticut.